Why?
by thewizardanthedragon
Summary: CJ questions why things happen when disaster strikes her 'gang' of friends.
1. Chapter 1

The rest of the summer flew past and before she knew it CJ was getting ready for the first day of her Junior year. Compared to last year things were looking up, she would have lunch scheduled at the same time as her friends and she was registered in more advanced mathematics and science courses. It didn't take more than a week to get into the swing of the day to day routine. Go to school, come home and do assignments and school work with Steven until supper time and after if necessary. On Friday's CJ would head to the NCIS headquarters as she had begun the year before. Spending time with both Tim and Abby alternating with whoever had time to teach her new mathematics or computer skills.

Week three and CJ was ready to start to have some fun. It was easy to get everyone quickly on board and they were all trying to coming up with ideas. As it was the beginning of the year they decided to start out "slow" and work up to something more interesting. What they didn't realize is that by sneaking to the AV room and reprogrammed all the remote controls for the projectors, TV's, and DVD players they created havoc for well over a week as the equipment was signed out and no one was able to get things to work properly. At lunch Owen described how frustrated Mr. Etches got fighting with the DVD player to run the clip he wanted that he ended up banging the remote on the edge of the desk in hopes of coaxing it into working. In the end Owen "fixed" the problem and looked like a savior to the rest of the class as they would rather watch a "stupid" movie clip then do seat work. The gang decided that although it was funny to watch the teachers flounder that they were really punishing the students because no matter how bad the AV presentation was it was always better than the alternative. So now the AV department and science labs were off limits for pranks.

CJ being the last of the gang to finally turn 16 hadn't put much thought into getting her driver's license. The family only owned one car and the likelihood that she would get a chance to drive it was quite low. But by the end of September the rest of 'The gang' had convinced her she needed to go and get her learners permit, it was what every self respecting 16 year old did. The problem was the department of transportation office was only open during school hours, which meant CJ had to "miss" classes to achieve this particular goal. Cutting class had NEVER worked out for her and so she was rightfully hesitant. She even considered asking her mother if she could get a signed note giving her permission to leave class early for "an appointment".

Over the next week several discussions were had amongst the group and in the end CJ was convinced that leaving early Friday afternoon allowed her the weekend to alter the attendance files. And because it was just 1 class and just 1 time that no one would find out about it. Friday loomed and for the first time in her life CJ considered on not following through on a plan, but peer pressure won out and she found herself sitting at a small desk with sides writing the mandatory test to receive her beginner's license. Until she held that little piece of paper in her hand she did not understand the full impact of what that document let her do. She could now DRIVE a car. A CAR. Elated she headed towards headquarters. As she approached the front entrance area full of pride and enthusiasm it occurred to her that she couldn't tell anyone because if she did they would wonder how she had managed while she should have been at school. How was she going to drive a car if she couldn't tell anyone she had a license? Clearly they had missed a few steps in their lunchroom discussions! Only momentarily dissuaded she concluded that in a while, when it didn't look so shiny new, she would convey to them she had gotten it a LONG time ago, implying she'd acquired it in the summer.

That weekend she had found it more difficult than expected to alter the school attendance records not only because they had changed all their protocols and passwords but because she was finding it hard to have enough time in front of the computer without an audience. By late Sunday afternoon she started to panic until the brainwave hit her. She would go over to Steven's and do it from there. Quickly coming up with a plausible reason to need to go to Steven's CJ left and headed over to her boyfriend's house. Steven was more than happy to lend a hand and as expected no one paid any attention to what the teens were working on. By supper CJ truancy problem was rectified and she had been invited to stay and eat with the Arnott's. CJ was one of the only members of 'the gang' that felt comfortable at the Arnott's because Steven's father was in the military and many of the other's found his demeanor disconcerting. CJ laughed at them all because really Gibbs and her father were far scarier than Commander Arnott well at least as far as she was concerned.

Now that they all had licenses the lunch time discussion returned to practical jokes. Halloween was a mere 3 weeks away and they needed time to plan, organize and execute whatever they were going to do. In the meantime they had a short list of "mini" pranks that the decided to try out.

The first of which was to switch the technical posters used for teaching health to the grade 9's. So when the girls entered their locker room instructional area for health class they found diagrams of the male reproductive system and when the guys sat down for their class they were staring at diagrams meant for the female class. Avery got to hear the laughs and embarrassed tittering because his gym class was using the change room at the time. It was a bonus if one of them actually got to be witness, which didn't always happen because they chose activities that would not be easily pointed at them.

Since super glue was particular favourite of CJ's they had to use it at some point each year. This year they super glued all the music stands in either the tallest or shortest position. When the Mr. Cherry entered his classroom he found the band that instead of warming up was fighting to readjust raise or lower their stands. In the end it was sheer brute force that freed them from their sticky position and not acetone. Unfortunately none of them were witness to the comical scene.

Each lunch hour had at least 10 minutes devoted to the very important Halloween prank. Since most of them were graduating at the end of the year and it would be their last Halloween together as 'the gang'. Little did they know the prank would be the farthest thing from their minds come Halloween morning.


	2. Chapter 2

The day before Halloween they sat in the cafeteria reviewing what they had and what they still needed for tomorrow. A list was drawn up for each person that also told them when and where they were to be the following morning. CJ laughed at the thought of it all. She remembered the very first time Steven had to be coerced, coaxed and cajoled into participating in the smallest of pranks. She remembers a few years ago when this crew needed their hands held to pull off a good practical joke. And really their track record was pretty good. They had only been caught twice and really only CJ had to deal with any fallout from those incidences, which she was willing to accept if it meant she had willing participants.

That afternoon they left school in search of last minute requirements. In advance CJ and Steven had arranged for an early ride with his mother, having given the excuse they needed extra time for a science project they were working on. That afternoon neither of them completed even the smallest amount of homework at the kitchen table. The entire conversation was about tomorrow and how it was going to be so great. Steven high tailed it out of there when Ziva arrived unexpectedly before supper looking to CJ a bit too guilty. Or at least that is what she figured her mother assumed when Ziva asked "What are you up to?" in a more than conversational tone. "Nothing Mama!" CJ answered annoyed, mostly because she was up to something and had no interest in it being forestalled because of parental intervention.

When the radio alarm went off the next morning it took CJ a few minutes to wake and in those little insignificant moments before being actually conscience she listened to the local news. It wasn't until she hit the shower and the hot water brought her back to life that what she'd heard registered. The news caster had said there had been a bad accident out by Hanlon Trails, a 67 year old woman had been killed and the two teens in the other car had been air lifted to the trauma center. These were things you heard every morning and maybe that was why it hadn't registered as anything different. That was until CJ was copasetic enough to process the information. They had given the names of the teens hadn't they? Rushing out of the shower and not bothering to get dressed but just throw a towel around herself CJ made a beeline for the computer in the living room. She stood impatiently tapping her foot and shaking the mouse in hopes of reviving the computer at a pace equal to the thoughts in her head. Not being able to wait patiently she ran to the kitchen and turned on the radio as well as turning it up loud enough she would be able to hear it at the computer.

And as if the world understood she needed the information and she needed it now both the local newspaper web page and radio confirmed what she had thought she had heard minutes earlier.

_Last night while travelling south on the Hanlon Trail highway Avery Titchcom veered into the oncoming lane causing a head on collision between his vehicle and that of Mrs. Jane Harrison. Harrison was pronounced dead at the scene while Avery, age 18 years, was flown along with his passenger Ashley Jones, age 17 years, to the Washington Hospital Trauma Center. _

Both the radio and webpage gave more information but CJ didn't need it. She sat stock still staring at the offending cover story silent tears streaming down her face. It was in this state that Tony found his daughter, having descended the stairs yelling "Why on God's green earth do we need the radio that loud first thing in the morning?" he caught himself short when he saw her and as he drew near he saw the ghastly photo of the car wreck that CJ was staring at.

"CJ what's wrong? Why are you …" he didn't know what question to ask first why was she crying, why was she in the living room half naked, why was the radio on so loud? Instead he turned her away from the horrible image he would later come to learn was a photo of what was left of Avery's car and pulled her into a fatherly embrace. CJ's tears continued to fall yet there was still no sound.

"It's ok peanut, whatever it is it's going to be alright." He assured her holding her tight to his chest.

"NO. IT. IS. NOT. GOING. TO. BE. ALRIGHT." She yelled at the top of her voice but stayed tucked in his arms.

Not sure if it was better when she was silent or letting it out Tony stood arms wrapped around his now sobbing daughter. CJ's outburst brought Ziva running and when she came across the scene in the living room stopped dead in her tracks. Without words she was able to communicate with Tony that he had little clue as to why his daughter was so upset but that it had something to do with what was on the computer. Without a sound Ziva quickly read the news article on the screen taking a moment to process that the teens described therein were CJ's Avery and Ashley. Understanding dawned on her face and Tony gently passed his daughter over to his wife as he too perused the article to gain the same knowledge his wife had just been privy to.

"Shh.. my little one, all will be alright" Ziva spook in her native Hebrew as she often did when trying to console her daughter. "They are in the best hands at the Trauma center. They will be alright. I am sure they will." Ziva tried.

"HOW do YOU KNOW?" CJ yelled back.

"I … I…" but she stopped, nothing she was going to say was going to make CJ feel better and really she couldn't promise anything. The article suggested it had been a horrific accident and it had taken a very long time and the jaws of life to extricate them from the vehicle.

Tony not knowing the best course of action offered to go make some breakfast while they went and finished getting ready for the day. Thankful for some instruction on what she was supposed to do next CJ went straight to her room and finished getting ready for school. Throwing her books in her backpack she made her way to the kitchen in a daze. Food was placed in front of her and she ate it. Tony and Ziva watched as their child sat stone faced and apparently on another planet consume her breakfast. Not knowing what the right thing to say was they just sat with her. CJ hadn't mentioned not wanting to go to school and although either of them would have been up to letting her stay home they stayed quiet as she grabbed a coat and her bag and waited by the front door.

"You goin' to be ok at school today, peanut?" Tony asked with his hand on her shoulder.

Without turning to face him she answered "I need to go to see everyone. Steven's mom is driving us today remember?"

"Ya, I remember. I just thought…" he didn't bother finishing it didn't matter she wasn't hearing him anyway.

When the car pulled into the drive they both watched as CJ threw herself in the back seat beside Steven and watched as he wrapped his arms around her and she began to cry on his shoulder this time.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N - this is a short chapter - I decided due to the nature of the intensity of the subject it was best to end it here **

****

**

* * *

**

Mrs. Arnott drove quietly to the school. The teens sitting in the back seat looked like a couple of neglected lost puppies. Like CJ's parents she didn't know what to say and chose silence as the answer. Neither CJ nor Steven said anything as the exited the car and headed to the front doors of the building. They headed straight for the cafeteria a regular meeting place of 'the gang' in hopes that the rest of them had gone there having heard the news. As expected when they rounded the corner there stood Owen consoling Ainsley and Atticus and Drew sat staring off into never land. When morning bell rang the six friends were sitting in utter silence. It took several minutes before they stood and each made their way to their respective classes.

CJ was barely seated when Sarah knocked at the door and asked to speak to her. Looking to the teacher who nodded CJ exited the room carrying her books. Sarah explained that anyone who needed time alone or with their friends because of the accident was welcome to congregate in the guidance office meeting room. CJ headed there immediately. During morning announcements they spoke of the accident and how as a school they should make sure to keep Avery and Ashley as well as their families in their thoughts and prayers throughout the day.

CJ began to cry once again. Steven knelt down in front of her and asked "You ok?" he asked not because he thought she was but out of something to fill the void.

"No. I am not ok. Ashley's dead" CJ declared and everyone turned to gape at her determined expression.

"No… no she's not CJ… Mr. Cooperland would have said something… they're going to be ok" Steven said in the most reassuring voice he could muster at that moment.

"Yes she is… I just know it" CJ insisted.

"CJ … I know we're all upset… but jumping to conclusions … I don't think that's a good idea… I think we just need to wait… to see" Steven tried hard to convince her.

"Steven don't you ever just know something, deep down, you just know, you have a feeling?" CJ asked the question sounding very much like normal CJ.

"I guess … not really" he answered a confused feeling on his face. "I don't know anything until I can see it or hear it, I need proof of something … I guess I don't have those kind of sensations … or don't know what they are" his answer a whisper.

Before CJ had a chance to reply the loud speakers beeped, signaling the start of another announcement. The collected teens stood in the middle of the room starting at the cream coloured box in the corner from which the principal's voice emanated. If the situation hadn't been so devastatingly serious it would have been a comical scene.

"It is with great regret that it falls to me to inform you that at 8 o'clock this morning Ashley Jones passed away due to her injuries sustained during the accident yesterday evening…"

Mr. Cooperland continued to explain details about the availability of counselors and how students who are having difficulty dealing with the situation should go to the guidance office.

The 6 friends standing in a group hugged, their tears mixing as they hit the ground, didn't hear a word after 'passed away'. The guidance counselor entered the small meeting room and stood watching as the group broke apart and one by one hugged each other. Comprehending that the little tight knit group was better off on their own the counselor backed away without saying a word.

Each took a seat around the empty space in the middle of the room. Each looked at the others gathered in the room. No one spoke, no one moved. Each of them thinking the same thing: How is Avery doing? What are we going to do without Ashley? And last but certainly not the least important by any means was: WHY?


	4. Chapter 4

WHY? Reverberated through each of their thoughts. Why Ashley? Why Avery? Why now? Why them?

The eery stillness of the room was finally broken when Owen stood, glanced at every one of his friends slumped in their chairs before announcing "Let's go crew, the cafeteria is calling our names". He said it with such conviction and sureness that the gang got to their feet and followed him down the hall and around the corner to their usual table. He waited until they were all seated and then took food orders before lining up with students on spares. His tray piled high with treats, snacks and drinks drew the cafeteria staff's attention. "You must be really hungry" the older woman commented. "Nope… just getting everyone's order" Owen answered nodding towards the solemn table of teens. "You're that group of kids" she remarked without thinking. "Ya, we are" his tone laced with anger. "I'm so sorry… we're so sorry" she finished gesturing to herself and the other staff members. "Don't worry about it sweety" the lady offered as Owen took out his wallet to pay. "Snack is on the house today."

"Thanks" he called over his shoulder as he strode away.

The consumption of food with friends has the power to heal. As the nourishment energizes the body, the communing with friends rekindles the soul. While eating the gang began to talk. At first only questions were spoken, but soon with no satisfying answers available the talk turned to sharing stories. Over the past two and a half years they had been a part of many antics and schemes, they had laughed and joked, they had worried and fretted. Reminiscing not only helps to fill the void but brings to life that which is lost.

Drew began "Hey do you remember the time, when you" he pointed at Owen "and Ashley were still dating and Ashley made you that birthday cake." The whole group laughed. "You mean the one that she didn't cook long enough so when I cut into it, it oozed all over the plate and on to the table!" Owen finished the story for them. "And to get "back" at her you had a bouquet of balloons delivered by a clown on her birthday in the middle of the cafeteria" Atticus added. Again laughter rang out from the table as they all pictured in their minds eye the dancing clown and a very embarrassed Ashley trying to hide her face.

"What about the time we all went cycling through the Hanlon Trails? The first time Avery had been on a long ride and his front tire came loose on the way down that hill. The look on his face when he landed in that puddle was priceless. He hates getting dirty!" Steven joined in.

"Or the rafting fiasco, where Ashley got her leg ripped up and Owen hurt his leg." Atticus recalled a look of horror on his face remembering the fateful night last summer. "Hurt… Hurt… I didn't just hurt my leg, I had a dislocated hip!" Owen's exaggerated indignation could be heard across the cafeteria. The gang didn't notice that everyone else in the room went silent and watched, oblivious to the world around them their stories grew louder and more animated. As the lunch crowd started to filter into the room it was harder to ignore the stares and glances being shot in their direction. Drew commented on it briefly but Owen quickly dismissed it as nothing to worry about and they continued with their elaborate story telling.

They disagreed on some elements and discussed others in great detail. All in all it didn't matter, it was the time they were passing together. It was a way of coping, a way of seeing them through the next minute, the next hour. The mood had lightened considerably but even an outsider could still sense the grave loss and deep hurt that wrapped itself like a strangling weed around the kids.

Fellow students took a wide berth as they took their customary places to eat lunch. Death is the most certain thing to happen in life and yet as humans we still feel uncomfortable around it. We have not yet found a way to convey to another our sympathy or figured out a way to best console a loved one. And so 'the gang' became an island in the middle of the cafeteria that the tide of students washed in and out without so much as dampening their feet.

As the day's end loomed ever nearer silence fell once again on the small gathering. Having told all the stories they could recall at the time, still not having any answers to the pressing questions no one spoke. Atti rifled through his backpack and found a well used deck of cards and a fast game of "loser" was dealt out. With jovial calls of "You can't do that" and "No way.. you cheated" the game allowed them a few more moments to forget why they were assembled there in the first place.

Not one of them had taken even a split second to consider that they had all missed every one of their classes that day. That was until Mr. Cooperland walked through the cafeteria doors and determinedly marched up to the edge of the table. Blinking back their surprise the teens sat motionless as if time had been stopped. Atti's hand was mid shuffle, CJ was stalled in her attempt to pick up a card, Steven half bent over to retrieve a way ward card from the floor.

CJ having had the most experience with Mr. Cooperland was the first and only one to speak. "Hello Sir. We were just playing a round of 'loser' would you care to join us?" Her ability to quickly go to humor was a practiced skill that generally helped mitigate trouble.

"No, but thanks for the offer CJ, I just thought I would see how you kids were doing. Did you need anything? You doing alright?"

"Ya, we're fine… well not fine really but doin' ok… for the circumstances…" stammering CJ finally gave up trying to explain.

"I wanted to let you know that if you needed something that you could come to me or Mr. Markins in guidance or a teacher or …" Mr. Cooperland awkwardly rattled on until Owen graciously interrupted him. "Don't worry Mr. Cooperland we're alright" the gang nodded in agreement "we won't do anything rash and we'll keep each other safe."

"Great!" the principal said with an air of finality as he turned to make a hasty exit. Turning back at the last minute he explained "don't worry about your attendance today, I've got that all worked out. And shall I assume that you will all reside right here again tomorrow?" Everyone nodded in agreement. "Fine but come Monday I expect you all back in class, got it?" he finished.

"Got it" they exclaimed in unison.

The final bell rang and hugs were exchanged once again as they trekked off to find their lockers and board their buses home.

Tony arrived home very early to find CJ curled up against Steven watching a movie on the big screen. This was not the first time he'd seen his daughter upset, nor would it be the last, but to date it was the most profound. First he called Mrs. Arnott to tell her he would feed Steven supper and send him home later, second he called for take out to feed them all and third he called his wife to tell her how CJ was. Tony quietly snuck into the living room and sat on the couch so that CJ was nestled between her "two men".


	5. Chapter 5

Friday passed very much as Thursday had with 'the gang' hanging out in the cafeteria. Most of their time was spent playing cards although Atticus had brought a scrabble board in as well knowing no one would be going to class. Unlike Thursday though there were no tears. The initial shock had receded and now they were left with that empty feeling, the one where you could swear there was an actual hole through your chest.

The gang's isolation wasn't as profound either. Having had a day to process the news other students were able to approach them and either share their condolences or nod with a knowing smile. Even though CJ's gang wasn't part of the jocks or card holding members of the popular crowd they were still known throughout the school. Some of the younger students just knew them as that group that sits at that table. But from this day forward they would be known as the group that lost Ashley. High school was not a forgiving place and labels stuck no matter how hard you tried to shake them off.

During morning announcements they were all told that Avery's condition had been downgraded to serious from critical and that he was improving by the hour. The good news wasn't good enough to brighten spirits but at least it kept them from sinking any lower.

The thing that didn't occur to CJ until she was an adult was that during those days filled with grief, anger and questions only the other students had been able to naturally interact with them. The staff, teachers and administration had all been more than a little ill at ease when speaking with them. Later CJ would describe it as feeling like they had been treated like someone who was mentally deranged about to snap at any moment or someone infected with some horrible contagion. Yet at the time and looking back CJ didn't feel she was in need of anything more than her friends. It was Steven, Drew, Owen, Atti and Ainsley she needed… and wanted… so in the end it didn't matter what everyone else had done.

Nevertheless CJ still recalled a strange conversation she'd had with one of the custodial staff on that Friday afternoon. She had gone walk about to stretch her legs and said "Hi" to the nice older lady who was always kind and asked the students how they were doing. It was more out of habit than wanting to initiate a conversation but after returning the greeting the woman added "I am very sorry you lost your friend. She was always very polite to me, just like you." CJ nodded unsure of how to proceed. "Yesterday another young girl was here" she said pointing to a bench in the hallway "crying. I asked what was wrong and she said that no one cared that that girl had died, that the world just kept going and it didn't matter. Well I told her that she should put her tears away and go and see you. Not you but your group. I told her to go look at your table. That that girl had a lot of friends and it does matter. That's what I told her." CJ walked slowly beside the custodian barely able to contain herself. What was she going on about? Why was she telling her this? Didn't she understand she was upsetting CJ more than some unknown kid not comprehending what was really going on? CJ grimaced and quickly made her way back to the protection of the table, the gang and the known. Adults were so screwed up CJ thought to herself.

Friday evening in the DiNozzo household sounded a lot like world war III. CJ had told Tony and Ziva she was driving with Owen and the rest of the gang to the funeral in the morning. Tony had said that he would be driving her there and picking her up.

"NO you won't… I am going with my friends… we've already made plans… we're going out for lunch afterwards and then coming back here for the afternoon and evening" CJ stated.

"If you think I am going to let you drive with a group of teenagers in a vehicle to a funeral of a teen killed in a car crash you have another thing coming." Tony vehemently argued.

The argument got louder and more heated with both sides digging in deeper as the evening wore on. CJ ended the argument by running off to her room and slamming her door shut forcefully enough that there was a question as to whether or not the hinges were still attached. Her finally volley of "You can't F%%King stop me" could be heard clearly through the closed door.

Tony only seeing red was about to storm upstairs and show her just what he could do when Ziva grabbed the back of his shirt and forced him to sit back down. "Tony now is not the right time" she said determinedly.

"Not the right time? Not the right time for what?" his anger seething through every word.

"Now is not the time to make any point. CJ cannot hear you. She is grieving, she is trying to figure out why this has happened, she is lost. CJ needs to be in charge of something right now, her world feels like it is spinning out of control. You are not going to be able to stop her unless you are willing to actually lock in her room or physically restrain her" Ziva explained as if she was an expert on teenage behavior.

Tony just sat staring at his wife with the most confused looks on his face. "What? Did she tell you that?" How did his wife know what was going on in his daughter's head, he sure didn't.

"No, she did not tell me anything, but I know what she is going through. I have been there myself."

"Yourself? What? What do you mean?"

"Tony I was only 12 when I lost my friend Michael in a mortar attack. And then I was just a little older than CJ when my sister died." Her voice softening as she explained. "Tony I know what it is like to lose a close friend as a child. You are never prepared, a child is not supposed to die. As a child you do not understand everything and you are worried that you will be next or another friend will die. As a teen you feel every feeling with every fiber of your body magnifying everything 100 fold. Raging hormones do not only cause teenage stupidity. CJ is holding it together very well. Let her do it her way. She is a smart kid. She is not going to make a bad decision, not right now."

"But" Tony began. Ziva held up her finger and gently placed it over his lips to stop him from talking.

"No buts Tony. Tomorrow, on the way to the funeral Owen is going to drive the most careful he has or ever will drive in his life. He will make sure that they get there safely." She did not take her finger away from his lips until the look in his eyes said he had relented. Then she lowered herself onto his lap and planted a loving but gentle kiss where her finger had been only moments earlier.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N - I know this is short but due to the intensity I decided that it needed to be so that it wasn't overwhelming!**

CJ wasn't seen or heard for the rest of Friday night and when she surfaced earlier than normal on Saturday morning she wore an expression of pure determination and defiance. In her room she had decided that she was doing what she had originally planned come hell or high water and screw the consequences. She made sure that her demeanor was one that was as prickly as possible so as to keep everyone at bay. Eating breakfast she heard her parents moving about the house but neither of them made an appearance in the kitchen.

It wasn't until CJ was showered and dressed in black slacks, a white blouse and a black leather jacket she had absconded with from her mother's closet did she see anyone. Her mother stood at the door waiting. CJ slowly walked to the entrance ready for the battle of her life if need be. Once the two were directly beside each other Ziva pulled CJ close and kissed her lightly on the forehead. "I love you my little one" she spoke in her mother tongue. "I love you too mama" CJ whispered in kind, tears threatening to spill over onto her cheeks. Getting dressed for the funeral brought back the wretchedness of the situation. Ziva left her daughter standing at the door waiting for her ride.

CJ's efforts to maintain composure meant that she barely noticed that she had just been given her mother's blessing to go through on her plan to ride with her friends. Without so much as a look back CJ leapt out of the house when Owen pulled into the driveway. She was the last to be picked up and so she squeezed into the rear row of seats between Steven and Ainsley. They talked quietly about nothing of importance as they drove to the church. St. Andrew's Anglican was a large cathedral downtown. Owen pulled up front and deftly parallel parked in a reserved spot. There was a short discussion about whether they should take one of the reserved spots or not with the conclusion that if Ashley's best friends weren't allowed in them who was!

The gang became immediately silent and somber as they enter through the large ornate doors. CJ remained flanked by Owen and Steven as they waited to be ushered to a pew just behind Ashley's younger brother and a few of his friends. The large cathedral was callously quiet. This didn't seem like the "right" way to remember a vibrant, energetic young woman. A few muted whispers, the creaking of a pew as someone took a seat, the shuffle of papers by the organist was all that could be heard. CJ wanted to stand up and shout, the only thing that stopped her was she didn't know what to say.

Eventually after what felt like hours the organist began to play and the pastor stood at the front of congregation and began to speak. His words passed over and through CJ without leaving even a shadow of their meaning. Unlike the funeral of Eli the only other person to speak was Ashley's older brother who had flown in from the west coast. CJ was better able to make sense of his eulogy as he spoke about his sister's love of movies, playing cards, tormenting him and music. As he concluded he asked those gathered to listen as he played as song. Not a favourite of Ashley's but one that he found fitting for the situation. As "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton played over the loud speaker not one person made a noise; you couldn't even hear the intake of a breath. CJ could see the faces of each of her friends, each face glistening with tears. Later in life CJ wouldn't recall exactly what he'd said but she could feel the burning of tears at the back of her eyes whenever she heard that song.

The organist began to play a recessional as the two brothers and two uncles took their places at the four corners of the closed casket at the front of the wide aisle. The sensation of overwhelming emotion flooded CJ as they passed her pew. It was in that moment as the casket was only a foot from where CJ stood that enormity of the situation fell on her shoulders. Turning first to follow with her gaze the casket exit the church she then turned to Steven and wrapping her arms around him in desperation was held close by his long strong arms. The image of them rolling her friend away, away forever and ever was one that she would involuntarily replay in her mind's eye more often than she wanted.

As with Eli's funeral they exited the pews in order and as CJ walked down the aisle and out to Owen's vehicle she didn't notice her parents and Uncle standing in the last pew. Their own hearts aching; not only for the loss of one so young but the scene of 6 grief-stricken teens trying to come to grips with what this accident means with regards to the meaning of life, death and friendship.


	7. Chapter 7

They sat in the restaurant and ordered lunch. Six teens in dress clothes was not a common sight on Saturday afternoons and so the unknowing waitress cheerfully asked. "You kids skipped out of a wedding or something?"

Owen being the only one with the where withal to answer retorted "No, a funeral." His tone and scowl quickly wiped the stupid grin off the woman's face. The meal was not a joyful occasion but an opportunity to reintegrate into the world. By the time desert dishes were cleared the group was back to taking without intermittent sniffles and the conversation flowed at a normal pace and tenor.

Together they drove to CJ's house and as the group piled through the front door CJ noticed her parents and uncle at the kitchen table eating their own lunch. She nodded an acknowledgment of their presence and then followed her friends into the living room. Each took a turn to change out of their dress clothes and sat for a short time trying to decide which of the comedies they would include in their movie mania for the rest of the afternoon and evening.

Several of them headed to the kitchen to make popcorn and fetch sodas while the others remained in the living room setting up the movie and sound system. Tony, Ziva and Gibbs remained quietly at the table watching as the group went through the steps they had on many Saturday evenings. There was no outward sign that they were hurting or confused. Atticus laughed at CJ as she unsuccessfully tried to catch the kernels as the popcorn spilled over the edge of the bowl and onto the counter and floor. They heard Drew gently rib Owen who was trying to get the movie fast forwarded through the ads and was having terrible difficulties.

Smiling Gibbs nodded to his once upon a time agents as he stood. He hugged CJ close and kissed the top of her head as she made her way back to the couch with bowls of popcorn. His family was going to be ok. CJ was processing the events of the week and although it would take her time she would recover and be able to remember her friend without tears or sadness. His adult children would soon realize that they need not feel guilty for being thankful their daughter was not in that fateful crash. These were human emotions and ones that ultimately you had no control in feeling, just control in what you did with them.

Tony took off to have dinner and drinks with McGee. Something they had started when they were no longer on the same team. It was not an easy task to arrange as they were often on call on opposite weekends. Ziva first went for a run and then squirreled herself away in her room with a new book.

* * *

CJ arrived at school on Monday and she and Steven grabbed their things from their lockers. Heading to class felt very foreign. It had only been 4 days since she'd attended classes regularly but stepping into English CJ couldn't help but feel that every set of eyes followed her progression to her desk. CJ's usual chatty banter wasn't heard in any of her classes all day. She spent the quiet of the classrooms to think. Questions still floated in her head and no answers were there to be fished out of the waves . CJ still craved time with her friends.

Throughout the week they were given updates on Avery's condition. He had been transferred out of ICU by Tuesday morning and on Friday afternoon he was released from the hospital completely. Mr. Cooperland had hesitantly approached their table at lunch hour to give them a one on one update. Avery's parents had called to let the school know he would be off for another week recovering at home but that it was suggested he return to school as soon as possible for mental health reasons. Mr. Cooperland explained that Avery had a crush jaw and it would still be wired shut when he returned to school. Thankful for news and also the respect from the administration to be given special updates the teens returned to their lunches happily.

By the time CJ was heading to NCIS that Friday afternoon her loneliness had subsided and she was once again able to concentrate in class. Time really was what healed many wounds. Things were returning to normal and that was both comforting and upsetting to CJ. She was happy that the she felt like the world was still turning on its axis. Yet she felt guilt and confusion that the world could continue to be normal after such a catastrophe. It would take her many months for her to finally get everything in order but once she had she understood those things that were comprehendible and accepted that there were things she could not answer she began feeling a lot better.

The one question that CJ was never able to answer or let go of was WHY?


End file.
